This Momentary Marriage (A parable of permanence) – John Piper
Recently, two friends of mine decided to get married. I wanted to get them a decent book on marriage, but didn’t know if there was anything out there worthwhile or anything that I would be able to recommend. It was then that I came across This Momentary Marriage by Dr John Piper.
The book begins by comparing marriage with martyrdom. If you’re anything like me, then I bet you’re thinking ‘Woah! Hang on a minute! I’m not sure I want to read any further!’ Bear with me; this is challenging, but amazing stuff. Dr Piper begins by writing about Dietrich Bonhoeffer who was engaged to be married when he was hanged by the Nazis at the age of thirty-nine. Bonhoeffer never lived to experience the joy of marriage, ‘Martyrdom, not marriage, was‘, writes Piper,’ his calling.‘.
Dr Piper’s basis for this stark introduction is, of course, the Scriptures,
This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none.(1 Corinthians 7:29)
If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.(Luke 14:26)
And he said to them, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.”(Luke 18:29-30)
From this, Dr Piper concludes that,
High romance and passionate sexual intimacy and precious children may come […] But hold them loosely – as though you were not holding them […] Romance, sex, and childbearing are temporary gifts of God. They are not part of the next life. And they are not guaranteed even for this life. They are one possible path along the narrow way to Paradise.
This Momentary Marriage covers all the subjects you would expect, love, sex, forgiveness, covenant-keeping, what it means to be a Christian husband, what it means to be a Christian wife, singleness, children and even divorce. Dr Piper treats his subject with intellectual rigor, theological thoroughness and experience gleaned from decades in pastoral ministry and forty years of marriage to his wife, Noel.
In his chapter on singleness and hospitality, Piper counsels married couples and singles to mix together as a witness to outsiders of how the family of God operates. If we are believers, we are in God’s family and we are all brothers and sisters within that family. He talks in practical terms – married couples should care for single people by inviting them into their homes and sharing a meal. Single people should do the same for married couples: “If you belong to Christ, if you have by faith received His saving hospitality, which He paid for with His own blood, then extend this hospitality to others. […] Think like a Christian. This is your family – more deeply and more eternally than your kinsfolk.”
I found this book extremely practical, which is what I expect from a book about marriage, cutting to the heart of not just what marriage should look like, but what all Christian relationships should look like according to the Scriptures. However, this book goes further. Dr Piper’s focus is, throughout, resolutely fixed upon the person and work of Christ Jesus. This is how it should be. Christ, the centre of our marriages and the centre of our relationships. Our marriages are nothing without Him. We are nothing without Him.
I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who is already married, engaged to be married or even just thinking about marriage. However, I would go further and recommend this book to everyone who wants to understand God’s purposes for people, for family and for his Church.
I end, as Dr Piper ends This Momentary Marriage, with a quote from Bonhoeffer,
”Welcome one another…for the glory of God”. That is God’s word for your marriage. Thank Him for it. Thank Him for leading you thus far; ask Him to establish your marriage, to confirm it, sanctify it, and preserve it. So your marriage will be ‘for the praise of His glory.’ Amen.”
Caroline Evans
This Momentary Marriage can be purchased here.